Yesterday was rough, but I’ll mostly remember the good parts. That’s what I’m going to focus on here.
Throughout the last six months, I’ve been showered with gifts and care and love. Yesterday felt like the finale of a fireworks display. Michele gave me “some Lulu for my lemons” (an adorable hoodie!). Liz brough lunch. Molly knit me an alpaca scarf. Kimmerz from Chicago sent a care package that melted me. Josh and Sara brought dinner. Texts and emails filled with love and support have been pouring in. And then, just before bed, I went on Facebook to show Brent how to do updates and there you all were, loving me internet-style. I wept on and off yesterday–mostly on. My friend Jenny posted a picture of us together and I cried and told Brent, “That was such a good day!” It was like three days ago. I’m such a weirdo. But, I’m your weirdo. And you all have taken such good care of me.
Last night, Aunt Karla came to town. She helped us decorate the Christmas tree and entertained the whole family. She’s hilarious and comforting and is a great storyteller.The girls were jumping off the walls with excitement. Before bed, I hugged them tight and my tears dripped onto their jammies. Karla read to them while I finished a glass of wine and talked with Brent. At 9:40, Avery asked for a haircut. Classic. He always asks at the most impossible times, but this time I obliged. Miles hopped on the bandwagon. He went first and requested a buzz cut. He wants to keep his hair short until mine catches up and then we can have a hair-growing race. I cut Avery’s hair next. It’s so wavy and thick and cowlicked. It’s been a challenge to cut these 15 years, but he’s my challenge and I adore him.
Karla and Brent and I reviewed my hospital bag contents and the plans for today and for this week. And finally we were all sleepy enough to say goodnight. But first, I had a small bowl of tomato bisque and half a corn muffin because I’ve never gone this long without eating before. Food was cut off at midnight. Surgery is at noon. I should wake up sometime around 3:30 or 4pm. So yeah, I’ve never done that day-of-fasting thing.
This morning, Karla and Brent took care of the kids’ morning routine. I just came in at the end for hugs. Last hugs. No tears this time. Game face is on.
I won’t know if they got all the cancer for a few days or so, I’m guessing. They will need to run tests on all the stuff they take out of me. I’ll let you know as soon as I know. Promise.
What I have this morning is peace because I trust that God is good. He gets the ultimate say on what is good. So, I can nod my head yes to his plans for me.
A fellow breast cancer survivor shared this verse with me the other day: For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed (pause for reflection) but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10
That’s beautiful. AND it’s pretty fitting for a bilateral mastectomy, right?
Thanks again for prayers and support. I’ll write ya from the other side.