Hi. It’s me. I’ve started seven separate posts since my last one. I’m determined to get something out today. It’s so hard to write anything when I would really like to tell you everything. I’ve never been a writer, so this is particularly hard for me.
I started to crawl out of the chemo hole a few days ago. This is what you need to know, because I know how much you care and how much you worry about me: I’m ok. Recovery from chemo is slower each time. I have bounced back in the past. Bouncing has not occurred yet. But, trudging is happening. That’s progress.
What does it feel like physically? It feels like I ate soap. A lot of it. Is that helpful? My mouth tastes like soap. My stomach is telling me that I ingested something like soap. It’s gross. It’s improving everyday, though, so don’t worry. Also, standing and walking are not easy. In fact, until a few days ago, standing made me queasy. I’ve gone for walks three days in a row and that is a big deal. Game changer. But, I wear out super easily. It used to be that a walk was energizing (and EASY). Now, I go for a long walk and then need to lay down for awhile.
Oh, and my mental game? I’m starting to feel hope. I received this shirt in the mail on Saturday. I’d ordered it for an adoption fundraiser. The timing was amazing, because I did not feel hope on Saturday. I’m learning the difference between faith and feelings. And I could look at the shirt and say, “That’s true,” but I couldn’t put it on until last night. I slept in it. I’ll probably wear it until tomorrow.
I promise I’ll write about the surgery coming up, and how bad chemo was this last time, and how much those cards that I’ve taped to the wall next to my bed mean to me, and all the cancer junk soon. Sometimes you just need to break the seal with a little update. Thanks for caring. Hugs and kisses to you all.