really quick i love you

Hey Friends.

I am way too quiet on this thing.

First of all, I’m alive and kicking. (Kicking cancer’s butt!) After the last round of chemo, I was surprised by a few things:

  • First, I have the appetite of a horse. Thank you, Steroids. Thank you, Horrible Taste In My Mouth That Can Only Be Defeated By Pickles And Doritos. Thank you, No Strength To Do Anything Else.
  • Ok, second, I wasn’t in a crap ton of pain. Sorry, extra sweet friends who don’t even say crap. I hope we can still admire one another. I was expecting the shot of Neulasta to make me feel pretty achy down in my bones, but that was not the case. I just felt tender to the touch. This basically meant, for the first time ever, I didn’t want a back massage.
  • Third, the nausea was totally bearable (read: feedable). Oh, and that means, I didn’t throw up. This is information that all people are curious about. Should I be picturing her throwing up or not?
  • Good segue to the fourth surprise…You can picture me staring at a wall (a Facebook wall…) and feeling somewhat catatonic. I think I looked like I was functioning, but really, I felt like a zombie. I believe that was Sunday through Tuesday. Other days are a blur, because even though I was functional, I felt groggy. Out of it. Poopy. Pooptastic. Whatever your bad-but-manageable word is.

Exactly a week later (yesterday), I felt like I turned a corner and could actually do stuff. I spent much of my “new energy” day trying to make another video update. I really missed my wingman. And I wasted a lot of time. That’s silly thing to do for a person who has cancer.

Emotionally, I’ve been a lot more raw. Last week, I was crying because I felt so loved and held. It was beautiful. I should have written a post so we could have cried together and basically blog-cuddled. This week, I’ve been crying because I am so sick of cancer. Also, I miss hair. My eyelashes and eyebrows are falling out en masse. I look super cancery. So, there. Congratulations, people. Debby Downer has arrived.

But, wait! There’s more. I’m not 100% downer. I made this especially for you.

3 thoughts on “really quick i love you

  1. Jenna, you are so beautiful. That was lovely and an excellent reminder that the “little” things really matter.

    I pray for you, but no doubt will even more now, with that idea….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are my hero! Thank you for this. I don’t post much, but I do read and follow your journey. I’m so sorry this week has sucked, but I want you to know that you are an encouragement to all of us. Much love!!!


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